The Boys Room
by adamolupin
Summary: On a quest to find James, Lily stumbles into a mystery. Why is Remus tied up in a closet? What is that awful corn chip smell? Do the Marauders really have a zoo in their room? And where IS James anyway? 7th year fic.
1. The Zoo

**A/N:** _I wrote this for Procrastinator-starting2moro because she asked sweetly. Tied up!Remus was inspired by Tied up!James in her "Obsessive Lily Disorder." This was intended as a one-shot, but after Pips read it (thanks babe!) she insisted there be more. So it's now officially a two-shot, I just don't know when the next chapter will be out. Soon I hope. _

_Thank you again to my wonderful readers and reviewers! I don't think I say that enough._

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Oh Merlin what was she doing here? She couldn't do this. She couldn't do this, but she had to. Gryffindor courage be damned, _anyone_ would be afraid to open that door. Her heart beat painfully in her chest, her palms sweated like they did the fist time she kissed James, but this time it was a different sort of fear, not the fear of losing her heart but the fear of losing a limb. Or something. Maybe her sanity.

Lily took a deep breath and squared her shoulders. It was just a door. Nothing in that room beyond could hurt her. She was almost positive of that. She had been searching for James for almost an hour. He wasn't in his room in the Head's suite nor in the Gryffindor common room nor on the Quidditch pitch. The last place Lily hadn't looked was the room beyond, the room Sirius, Remus and Peter shared.

Her hand shaking only slightly she turned the handle and opened the door swiftly, jumping aside in case the entry had been booby trapped. The room beyond was silent but that didn't mean much.

Lily peeked her head around the door then slipped inside. She gasped and gagged at the nearly overpowering corn crisp smell. What _was_ that? "Oh Merlin," she gasped running to a window and throwing it open. She coughed sucking in deep lungs full of fresh air. How did boys live like this! Did she even want to know what caused that smell? Unless they were boot legging illegal corn crisps, which she doubted any of the boys to be that industrious or obsessed with crisps to do so, it had to be something else. And . . . was that an underlying hint of wet dog? Were they keeping animals in here? She whimpered softly.

"You can do this, Lily," she whispered to herself, easing herself back inside and shutting the window.

With one glance at the relatively tidy if smelly room she realized her quest for James was at another standstill. He and his Marauders were nowhere to be found. She was tempted to check under the beds just to be on the safe side but decided that discretion was the better part of valor.

Lily clapped her hands over her mouth stifling a scream at a loud thump from the closet to her left. _There _IS_ something living in here!_ she thought with a soft sob. _And I'm alone and the rumor about the boys having a zoo in here _is_ true and whatever they have in there's going to eat me and they'll find my masticated corn crisp smelling corpse lying in the boys' room and I'll never be able to have James's babies and –_

She shrieked when the closet door swung abruptly toward her and instinctively jumped onto the nearest bed. "Remus!" she hissed only relaxing when she saw who had fallen out. "You scared the piss out of me."

"Mmmff mfmmf mmfffm MMMMMMM!"

She frowned down at him noticing how trussed up he looked. He was bound in ropes from head to toe looking like a mummy with a red bandana in his mouth. "Remus, what happened to you?"

He glared up at her, not even bothering to answer that question. He _hoped_ it was rhetorical.

"Well?"

Remus rolled his eyes. Lily could be the brightest person he'd ever met in his entire life, but sometimes, just sometimes, she missed the forest for the trees.

"OH! I'm so sorry!" She leapt off the bed and knelt next to a relieved Remus, turning him over to undo the knot on the bandana. "What happened?"

"They jumped me. I'd barely even gotten out of bed and I was headed for the shower when they ganged up on me with these evil little glints in their eyes. My first thought was 'Oh Merlin, don't drop the soap!' but then they tied me up and shoved me in the closet," Remus gasped. "What time is it?"

"About half eleven."

"I've been in that closet for nearly three hours trying to open the door. I think when you opened the window the wind and all the jiggling I did finally got the door to open."

"How did you know I opened the window?" Lily asked, thoroughly confused. She took out her wand and began working at his bindings.

"I could smell the fresh air through the cracks in the door. It was quite refreshing actually, thank you."

"Speaking of smells, is Sirius boot legging corn crisps to firsties?" Lily asked freeing Remus's shoulders and upper arms.

"Er, no. That would be the smell of a few very old and very dirty socks."

She paused and looked at him, slightly horrified. "Do I want to know how many you consider a few?"

"Do you?"

"Do I?"

"Probably not . . . ok, do you want a count by year?"

"Merlin's beard," Lily whispered in horrified awe. "How many?"

"Fifty by my count for this year. I think. James and Sirius go through socks like most people go through tissue."

"But how come James's room doesn't sme – he hides them here doesn't he." It wasn't a question.

"Yup. Under my bed I might add."

Lily sighed and tossed away the last bit of rope that bound Remus's hands. "Well if this . . . relationship James and I have progresses to a point where we're sharing a living space, that little habit's going to stop."

"Especially since I'm going to be setting up wards wherever I live to prevent James or Sirius from hiding their dirty socks in my flat. And thanks for the rescue," Remus replied sitting up and rubbing his wrists.

"Any time. Do you know where James happened to go after he trussed you up like a Sunday roast?"

"No, they didn't say. Or actually Sirius said, 'This is for your own good Moony' and the rest you know." Remus stood and offered a hand to Lily. They sat on his bed in a moment of comfortable silence. "Why do you need to see James?"

Lily shrugged a shoulder or more like rolled it in a faintly embarrassed, trying-to-affect-nonchalance sort of way. "I think more to keep him out of trouble. It's been pretty quiet around here the past couple of days and it makes me nervous."

"And you miss him."

"And I - kind of . . . miss him," she sighed. "Pathetic isn't it?"

Remus grinned. "No, it's kind of sweet actually. But you're right; it has been awfully quiet around here. I'd hear James and Sirius whispering in those mirrors they have, but as soon as I'd get close enough they'd get quiet and Sirius would give me this glare like I'd killed his mother . . . ok, maybe that's not such a great analogy."

"Remus? Other than Sirius, are there any animals in here? Because when I opened the door there was this wet dog smell . . . unless it was you . . ." Lily trailed off sheepishly, a blush turning her cheeks pink.

Outside the Marauders, only Lily could make him chuckle at his lycanthropy. "Um, no. It wasn't me." It wasn't his job to tell her about Sirius, James and Peter's illegal animagi abilities. No, that was a fight between her and James he'd already bought ringside tickets for.

The door to the boy's room swung open with a suddenness that had Lily and Remus starting on the bed with a bit of guilt. "Step away from the girl Remus," James walked over and wrapped a possessive arm around Lily's shoulders. "I worked too hard to win her. You're going to have to try a different carnival because this prize is mine."

Lily elbowed James in the ribs to which James grunted and clutched at his side. "Merlin Lily, was that an elbow or my wit because it was sharp!"

"What're you doing out, Moony? You were supposed to stay in the closet," Sirius said with his hands on his hips and his foot tapping.

"Excuse me if I wanted to get out of a closet that I'd been standing in for three hours for no apparent reason," Remus replied rolling his eyes. "Why'd you wrap me up and stick me in there anyway?"

"We didn't want you to follow us," Peter spoke up.

"Then why didn't you just say 'Hey, don't follow us'?" Remus asked with exasperation.

James, Sirius and Peter looked at each other. "He's got a point," Peter murmured.

"To tell you the truth that really didn't come up in the committee meetings" Sirius mumbled. "You were committee chair of 'Remus Distraction' James, how come you didn't think of that?"

"Because then this way we were guaranteed he wouldn't follow us," James replied as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"I could've given you my word you know."

Sirius, James and Peter all looked at each other and laughed disbelievingly. "Remus you're a Marauder, we never trust each others words," Sirius spoke up as soon as he could talk.

"Boys!" All eyes swiveled to Lily. "Please. Before you get into a fight about this, where did you go?"

"Er. Lily, you can't come," James said very reluctantly as he backed slowly away from pointy elbows and quick to hit hands.

"And why not?"

Peter, Sirius and James all looked between themselves with extreme discomfort. "Weeell, it's like this – James, you tell her," Sirius said grabbing the sleeve at Peter's elbow and backing slowly toward the door.

James glanced over at Remus and grabbed Lily's hand dragging her outside. "Lily, it's Remus's birthday on Monday," he began quietly, glancing every so often at the boys inside the room who were talking and laughing, Remus seemingly having forgiven and forgotten, "and since we have tests for Transfiguration and Charms, which I know you two will hole up in the library to study for tomorrow, Sirius, Peter and I decided to throw Remus a little surprise party. But the place we set up is off grounds. Do you really want to risk breaking the rules like that?"

Lily looked up at James, deeply touched. "James, that's so sweet that you'd do that for Remus and know that we, and by 'we' I'm including you in that, need to study." She glanced back inside then up at James. This was the side she rarely saw in him even after they'd started dating. This James, who was concerned about his best friends and would do anything for them, was the one she fell in love with. Merlin she wanted to snog him. "I'll go with you. Bugger the rules."

The look in James's eyes was intense and curled Lily's toes. "Do you know how hot that is?"

She smirked, yanking down on the front of his thick sweater. "How much time do we have?" she murmured, her lips barely brushing his.

"About half an hour," he grinned dopily.

"Perfect." She closed that remaining distance and kissed him softly. "I missed you today."

"You did?" he asked like an over eager puppy. Lily could practically see his cute little bum wag.

"I did."

"Get a room!" Sirius called out tossing a dirty sock at them.

"See you in half an hour boys," Lily murmured with a wicked smile on her face, pulling a dopey looking James by his sweater and closing the door.

Sirius snorted. "He's a minute man if I've ever seen one."


	2. The Wildlife

**A/N**: _And this is it! Thanks for stopping by, I hope you enjoyed the show. Be sure to tip your server . . . or, you know, leave me a review. ;-)_

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Sirius waggled his eyebrows at them when James and Lily met the other Marauders in the Gryffindor common room half an hour later looking thoroughly mussed and kissed. "So you've had a taste of a boy, let me show you how a _man_ can treat you," Sirius said with a smug grin.

Lily looked all around the common room then behind them up the staircase leading to the boy's rooms. "I'm sorry; I don't see how that's possible considering I don't see a _man_ in the area."

Peter snorted and covered up his laugh behind his hand. Sirius scowled briefly at him before he had his smirk back in place. "That's because you've never met a _real_ man."

"Padfoot, stop stressing your words, you're making me nauseous," Remus spoke up. "Now are you going to show me the purpose behind your kidnapping of me?"

"We didn't kidnap you!" James replied as they all walked through the portrait. "You didn't even leave the room. Kidnapping implies we forced you to go somewhere."

"You tied me up and shoved me in a closet! I wanted to take a shower, _not_ go in the closet, ergo you kidnapped me!" Remus said throwing up his hands in exasperation.

"So if we'd tied you up and put you in the shower, we _wouldn't_ have kidnapped you?" Sirius asked with a superior smirk.

"Ok, calm down Moony. You know you spout big words when you get upset," Peter said soothingly, saving Remus from trying to explain that bit of faulty logic.

"'Ergo' is not a big word and it's about as small as I get," Remus sighed.

Sirius and James snorted at that and Remus and Lily rolled their eyes, sharing a pained look while Peter scratched his head in confusion. "I'll explain later," Remus murmured to Peter, taking pity on the poor kid. "You know that big boy book your mum gave you when you hit puberty last year? That should explain some of it."

Peter didn't look too convinced, but shrugged it off.

Lily gave Remus a disbelieving look to which he shook his head in response.

They walked out of the school with Sirius humming "God Save the Queen," Peter still scratching his legs from the itching powder James had put in his trousers the week previously, James casting surreptitious lust filled looks at Lily and Lily and Remus discussing the Transfiguration test that coming Monday. "Where are we going?" Lily asked, taking James's hand when they stepped outside and turned toward the Whomping Willow.

The boys exchanged uneasy glances. By some unseen agreement, Sirius, Peter and Remus pulled ahead walking quickly while James and Lily fell back. "Lily," James began softly, looking the most serious she'd ever seen him. Her stomach dropped to her shoes with worry and dread. This can't be good. "You know Remus is a werewolf right?"

"Yeah, I've known for about three years now. It wasn't hard to figure out," she replied warily.

"Right. Well, we've known since the end of first year and Sirius, Peter and I made a pact that Remus had been suffering alone for far too long and he should never have to suffer through another full moon alone. So we did some researching and with a bit of luck and hard work we –" James sighed and nervously ran his hand through his hair. "We became animagi."

"What?" Lily's voice was low and devoid of reflection, her face was unreadable and it made James extremely wary. He could always read her moods; she only really had five: studious, happy, sad, horny and angry. That was one of the reasons he liked her so much was because, in essence, she was uncomplicated like that. Except now.

"We became unregistered animagi."

They'd stopped walking by this time, the others standing a good distance away out of ear shot, much to their dismay. "If there's no screaming, I want my two galleons back," Peter muttered to Sirius.

"You'll get a full refund if she doesn't scream, but I'm telling you, you're not going to get your money back Wormtail," Sirius replied confidently, rocking back on his heels, his hands in his pockets because even though his mittens were tied to his jacket, he wouldn't wear them.

"Let me get this straight: you did something that could get you thrown into Azkaban if it didn't kill you first just so Remus wouldn't be lonely during his transformations?" Lily asked softly, her face still unreadable.

James nodded. That was the gist of it. He knew better than to say anything of their adventures in the Forbidden Forest while they were human let alone when they weren't.

"That has to be the sweetest thing in the world!" Lily exclaimed jumping into James's arms and hugging him tight. "I seriously underestimated you, Sirius and Peter. You're so going to get lucky tonight," she whispered in his ear.

James looked over at the disbelieving expressions on his fellow Marauder's faces and gave them the thumbs up.

"You didn't do break any school rules while you were transformed right?" she asked, her voice muffled by his heavy winter cloak.

"I am the picture of innocence."

Lily pulled back and looked up at him disbelievingly. "Do I really want to know?"

"Do you?"

"Noo . . ." But her tone clearly implied 'yes.'

"Why don't we talk about that later, hm?" He leaned down and gave her a deep distracting kiss which, of course, worked beautifully like all of James's plans . . . right.

"What – what – what -?" Peter couldn't stop saying 'what.' He looked up at Remus and Sirius in confusion. "What?"

Remus shook his head and grinned, leaning over to close Sirius's mouth. "You'll give yourself wrinkles," he warned.

Sirius gasped and whipped out the mirror he used for communication with James and checked his laugh lines, his frown lines, and his crow's feet, alternating pulling his skin taut and poking at it. "I am not," he finally haughtily scoffed putting the mirror away.

"Pay up pretty boy. Full refund," Remus replied holding out his hand.

"When we get back to the room, I don't have the money on me, yeesh," Sirius replied with a roll of his eyes.

"We won't forget you know," Peter added.

"I know!" Sirius said defensively. "Think we should pull the lovers apart?"

"Yes, I'm freezing my bollocks off out here," Remus replied stamping his numb feet and reinserting his mitten covered hands under his arms.

"You do realize if you stay like that for too long in weather like this you'll freeze that way!" Sirius shouted.

"Sod off, Black!" Lily called back.

"You're the King of Mood Killing, you know that right?"

"Why yes Moony, I happen to be an expert. I also know how to set the mood with the ladies too. Do you want some tips?"

"Er, no."

"I do!" Peter exclaimed happily.

"When we get inside, I'll impart all my knowledge onto you, young padawan," Sirius said clapping an arm over Peter's shoulders.

"Pada-what?" Peter looked over at Remus who shrugged his shoulders and looked just as bewildered. "Are you making up words again?"

"Kambeeble my friend, kambeeble."

"C'mon, let's get inside, I think the cold air's shorting out a few of Padfoot's circuits," Remus said to Lily and James when they reached them. "He's making up words again."

"Does kambeeble mean 'yes' or 'I wanna dry hump your leg'? I always forget," James mused aloud to which Peter whipped his head toward them looking very green. Sirius leered down at him, tightening his hold on his shoulders and Peter gulped loudly.

Lily chuckled softly, squeezing James's waist affectionately.

Peter was the most relieved to see the Whomping Willow and quickly morphed before he could find out the true meaning of 'kambeeble'.

Lily watched in amazement as Peter, as a rat, scampered underneath the Willow's radar and pressed a knob at the base of the tree. The branches that had been swaying lazily in the breeze went immediately still allowing Peter to morph back into human form and for the four other teenagers to follow him into the passageway. "Where does this lead?" she asked, her voice echoing hollowly in the tight confines.

"The Shrieking Shack," Remus replied, glancing back at her. "Dumbledore set up the house, the passageway and the Whomping Willow so I'd have a safe place for my transformations."

Lily reached past James and squeezed Remus's hand with a sad sympathetic smile. "I'm glad you have so many people to look out for you."

Remus blushed brightly and ducked his head, mumbling something indistinct before turning fully forward and following Sirius and Peter in silence.

"Why didn't you tell me about this before?" Lily whispered to James, holding his hand tightly.

"Well it wasn't exactly my secret to tell," he murmured softly, bringing her hand up to his lips and kissing her palm. His kiss sent a straight jolt of liquid warmth down her arm. "But now I have no secrets from you."

"Except for what you did while you were animagi."

"Err . . . who says I did anything?" he asked nervously.

Lily merely smirked up at him and James could swear she could read his mind. "You're not a Legilimens are you?"

The smirk on her face deepened and James really had to wonder if she was or not. "Because if you are, you probably shouldn't be in my head right now. You probably don't want to see Sirius naked."

Lily grimaced. "Good thing I'm not then."

James glanced back at her with a smirk.

The rest of the trip was made in silence until they reached the Shack. "It's kind of a mess in here," Remus apologized helping Lily up into the house.

"It's no worse than your room. At least it smells cleaner," she replied looking around curiously. The building was old and decrepit, the perfect place for a young werewolf to hide. Actually, if it weren't for the deep gouge marks in the walls and floor, she would've been hard pressed to distinguish this house from any other abandoned house.

"Oh no no. I've been tied up enough, there's no way you're going to blindfold me too," Remus said backing away and holding up his hands when Sirius pulled out the bandana that had been used as a gag earlier.

"Then how will we know you've got your eyes closed?" Sirius whined pouting and stamping his foot like the petulant child he was.

"You'll just have to take my word for it."

"_Fine_. But I have to say, once again, you're no fun Moony," Sirius sighed, stuffing the bandana down the front of his pants.

"Please tell me that's not where you keep that," Remus groaned.

"What? Where else would I keep it? My pockets are full."

James and Peter snickered, Lily made a face and Remus suddenly turned an interesting green. "Oh Merlin, I don't think coming here was worth knowing that," he muttered.

"It will in a second, now close your eyes." Remus complied. Sirius waved his hands in front of Remus's face and made rude and obscene gestures to make sure that he couldn't see.

"Are you going to lead me to my doom or do I have to stand here while Padfoot makes an arse of himself? And before you take that bandana out of your crotch, I can't see anything, I just know you and what you're capable of," Remus spoke up wearily.

Lily watched as James and Peter took up positions on either side of Remus and led him slowly to the living room of the Shack. She looked around in awe. Streamers and banners took up every available wall surface, the floor was covered in confetti so deep she could barely see her toes let alone the floor, candles bobbed gently giving the room a warmth the rest of the house didn't have, a fire burned merrily in the fireplace and a table laden with food and presents took up the entire far wall. Lily was impressed to say the least.

"Ok, you can drop your arms now," Peter said after situating Remus in the best vantage point where he could take in the entire room at one glance.

Remus dropped his arms and his jaw. His eyes flickered over everything in amazement before snapping his mouth shut tight, his jaw working tightly with emotion. They never ceased to amaze him. "Thanks mates," he murmured softly.

James merely patted his back and smiled at him. "C'mon, I'm starved. Let's eat and then we'll open presents," he said ushering Remus toward the table.

"James," Lily called out.

He turned and joined her in the corner near the door while the others, laughing and talking loudly descended on the food like they hadn't eaten a meal in a week or two. "Yeah?"

Lily wrapped her arms around him, burying her face in his chest, suddenly overwhelmed by her feelings for him. Surprised and a bit confused, James wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly back, rubbing her back comfortingly. "Are you ok?"

She nodded tilting her head up to look at him. "I love you."

At that moment James felt he could conquer the world, defeat Voldemort, and find the cure for baldness all with one hand tied behind his back and wearing an eye patch. He knew that Lily had loved him, she'd told him in her kisses, caresses, and heated glances, but she'd never said it before. "I love you too."

"I propose a toast!" Sirius spoke up holding aloft a cup full of Firewhiskey. "There once was a man named Remus who had a very very large –"

"Pads," Remus warned.

"Brain! I was gonna say brain," Sirius replied in a wounded tone accompanied with an exaggerated pout.

"Riiight."

Their argument faded into the background when Lily turned James's head back to look at her. "And I love what you've done for Remus, but please, if you love me as much as you say you do, never make me need a reason to go to the boys' room again. I'm still not fully convinced you don't have wild animals in there, not including Sirius."

James chuckled and dipped his head to kiss her again. "I promise."


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